I decided to do something that was very entertaining aside from doing my usual rants on bands and life in general, and it has turned out to be a  little crude as well. 

I present for your entertainment -  farts, metal style.  A collection of farts descriptions that are compared to various metal styles.  I had to do this... a demented mind is a terrible thing to waste.
                        Metalhead gaseous attack listing
                                                               
1)   Pop Metal Farts

    These bottom explosions are ones that you may or may not be proud of once this gass is released.  They seem to have little in the way of volume or any real power, and in the end... they do not last long either.  Some might say that it is even lame to blame them on the dog if your inclined to blow this one, but at least you will believe that your body has better in store for next time.

2)   Old School Metal Farts

    These ones are your basic nasty and straight to the point sort of rear attacks.  They are
loud and unabashed, with a wee bit of small power that would make your little sister pass out and make her irritating cat shed on the spot.... but keep in mind they have been proven to be
somewhat hazardous to your pet fish or to that butt-ugly iguana that your kid brother stole from the science lab.

3)   Power Metal Farts

    These one make most people around you take notice, because they sound like your taking
a cheese grater to a bear’s genitals... and they really come out smelling worse than that  ol’
grizzly as well. They are boisterous and completely remorseless, one whiff certainly will kill any rap fans that are within a four block area of your location.  They also seem to make pet hamsters explode on contact as well

4)   Thrash Metal Farts

    They make most people around you want a stage dive away from you in horror... even if
there is no one there to catch them after a fifteen foot drop on their faces.  These bottom bellows are bombastic each of the senses anyone can actually have in their bodies, while the reek are way more crude and rude than any sailor who has had way too much to drink on shore leave.

5)   Speed Metal Farts

    These very distinctive bad boys are like a run away machine gun stuck on full automatic. They flair out of your nether regions and make you deliver whiplash to everyone’s ears and
noses too.  The stench that is produced will literally melt everybody’s minds... as well as any hair they have in their nostrils.  Your butt might feel as if it on fire while expelling this rumbling attacker, but seeing the reactions around you... and the fact that it may kill the nerd in the second row, would be more than worth it.

6)   Nu-Metal Farts

    They sound a little different that the old school butt blasts, and have this strange but gag
compelling aroma of vegetables and imported beer... yet they still hold their own odour wise. Despite the nu-smell, it seems to work great as it repel any signs of country music for miles, and give you the chance to order another brew from Mexico before they go to the army surplus store for masks.
7)   Progressive Metal Farts

    These very interesting back door opuses are a joy to hear, being that they are well crafted
musical arrangement while still holding a rumbling bark like a very angry pit bull.  The smells dance around and spreads as well, making people notice and run away all in the space of a few seconds. They seem so nice to the ears, but the musicality of it’s complex nature is a little bothersome to your colon.

8)   Death Metal Farts

    These one are nasty both on yourself and others.  It leaps out and attacks at full volume,
sounding like the anger of all the gods in one.. It kills by using flesh rending vibrations with the mind melting green gas cloud that accompanies it. It with stop traffic, and kill many
domesticated small animals if not done outside. Some of these ones have been known to take
down a commercial jet from overhead too.

9)    Doom Metal Farts

    These nasty wicked blasts low and long and tend to nearly demolish your butt clear apart, and threaten to melt your jeans like if you had blown Brimstone fire out of your orifice. What hangs in the air after it is release, would kill any Jehovah’s Witnesses who are sadly in a ten mile radius of you and makes all other people repent in the horror of it all.

10)  Extreme Black Metal Farts
        These are the ones that you only do once.  Between the sound and the putridness that
accompanies it, it will disintegrate you like a hydrogen bomb, and will take all life as we know it in one large cloud of green stench. We would be left in a world of methane and destruction, where even the cockroaches cannot survive these ass blasts.

Greeting to all to on the metallic blog:

    Here I sit at my computer and smile... for you all now are looking at another blog
authored by the metal psycho himself.... metalbite’s Jd!
    Getting down to it, I have been receiving some pretty amazing CDs lately for my
perusal... more than ever before.  I am so excited at the fact that my beloved metal scene is
growing by leaps and bounds with talent and in sheer power that is there... all the while keeping their ‘screw you’ attitudes for all to see.  All of this makes a old banger like myself feel so proud as all hell here!!

    Enough of my gushing musing crap... getting sown to the business of telling all of you
just what has been making me so damned excited.

**************************************************************************************


    England’s hidden metal treasure GraVil has another EP out there for the masses of
metalheads all over the globe, and it is literally turned out to be one album that makes me nearly speechless. 

Once again, it is I - the Mad Canadian.... giving you the heads up on metal in the great white way: I have some news for all of you, and the Metal God’s are smiling with my picks I have for you.

Greetings and horns up to all:

I am back, and blogging away like mad for you fellow thrashers.   Have lots of stuff to tell about, so over the next few days, I do that. It will take a few blogs just to get it all unloaded so the headbanging masses can see what strangeness lurks. The simple reason for the multiple blogs is simple and true here... I am too busy... that is my problem here!.

On to the task at hand... to start things off on the right foot, here is two bands that I think people not only need to know of ... but to stand up and take note of:

                             ******
                               
Austraillian based Technical Metal outfit Octanic is a band that needs to be heard. The mix so many stylings into their material that their brilliant originality shins through while their heaviness clubs you in the head with no mercy.
Sounding like a rather odd and very much heavier Yngwie Malmsteen styled Neo-classical progressive metal which has that classic metal mixing with some industrial and gothic leanings smattered throughout... this band shows the old adage that I love to say: talent and heaviness do go together. 
I am gonna shout it to the sky and beyond about this band !!  “ Industry” is clearly one of those very few albums that is good as it can get, in any style of music that is out there.  With that so blatantly said...  I advise anyone who loves metal and loves every genre it come in to go out and get this album.

Band Contact: www.octanic.com


Cincinnati, Ohio metallers Silver Cypher are an another one of those bands that really does seem to show that metal is alive and growing.  They are on a path that will bring them metal glory, as long as they take no prisoners in the process.

They may not have the best album that has been released at the moment, yet in listening to it... I could see that tell-tailed hint of a great band that is held on the disk makes me believe that tis is a ‘to watch’ sort of act. They need a little tweaking to get there, but the talent to do al of that right is present.

    They are forging their own path through the metal world, and their release of ‘Cryptic
Characters’ really does show that they will be a band to be regarded if they keep it up.  If the
band can land some really good backing that they are needing, and get that proper push in the right direction... They will prove me right.

Band Contact: www.silvercypher.net

That is all for now.  As usual, all of these bands and more are reviewed on metalbite.com If you have any questions or comments on these, or other bands... feel free to get in touch with me.

Hail to thee, and I shall see you later:

Jd Wheels
Senior Writer
Metalbite.com