Once Ted has put a couple of miles in between him and the armless Oprah he stops to collect his bearing. Thats when he realizes off to the north he sees another Oprah. He looks through his binoculars it has 2 arms how can this be. He looks to the west and east 2 more Oprahs. When he looks south where he just came from he sees what looks to be Kristy Ally but 2 stories tall and 3 stories wide. Ted then notices they are closing in on his position and his gas tank is getting low. He decides his best bet is to head into town and refuel. He throws the truck in gear and speeds toward the towns tiny epicenter. There are 3 gas stations in the small town of Amboy 76, Chevron and Joe's pit stop. Ted had a job fueling cars at Joe's when he was in high school so he drives toward the pit stop. On his way into town he now sees that there is no way he is going to drive through the streets. Cars fill not only the road but the side walk 2 he will have to fill some gas cans and bring them back to the truck. Loading the shot gun and grabbing up his axe Ted heads in to the paved streets that are covered with the bodies of the towns residents. His trip into town is all most completely uneventful except for the sound of a helicopter blades echoing across the surrounding buildings.
 Once at Joe's Ted quickly fills 2 5 gallon gas cans that Joe kept out back in cause any one ran out of gas, hw would rent them out at 5 dollars an hour. Just as the last drops of gas fall into the second can Ted hears the unison shrill of at least a couple hundred Opites he drops the handle to ground and grabs at his nuts it feels like they are going to explode. Ted uses the but of the shot gun to brutally bash his sack witch is now starting to get use to being struck with blunt objects. Then he starts running full speed back to the truck only to see a Oprah with a camera on its shoulder bashing the truck in to bits. the Oprah sees Ted and starts its slow charge and its surrounding Opites also lunge into action.

"Oh my fucking God its Oprah" Ted mutters under his breath. He puts the pedal to the medal and the Dodges speedometer hits 70 mph. Ted is bouncing around in the cab of the truck as it plows through bumpy field. As he gets closer he sees what looks to be a large camera attached to Oprah's shoulder. Ted guns it and crashes into the large hunk of meat that is Oprah, he also takes out a dozen or so Opites. To his surprise Oprah holds on to the hood of the truck and starts smashing it in with her huge fatty arms the trucks hood is no match for Oprah's girth. He also notices the camera lens seems to be following him he dangles the shotgun out the driver window and unleashes a couple of shells into Oprah's face. It slows her down but she continues to smash through the hood. Ted hits the brakes and looks in the rear veiw mirror 50 plus Opites are charging for the truck from about 3 foot ball fields back. They are not that quick on open ground so Ted has a little time he grabs up the chain saw off the passenger seat then crwls out the driver window onto the hood of the truck. Oprah's lower half is pinned under the truck Ted pulls the rip cord and chain saw fires up. "Your going fucking down you gargantuan bitch" Ted screams as he drops the chain saw blade into the fatty tissue of her arms. Fat, blood and meat whip up into Teds face, eyes, nose and mouth and finally he hacks through the bone. Oprah's madded crys of suffering agitate the Opites and they start shrieking. Ted all most falls over from the pain surging through his nuts he manages to get back in the Dodge reverse and free the truck from Oprah's mass. The armless beat charges the truck with its head and shoulder almost flipping the truck over. Ted hits the gas and sees Oprah and the Opites getting smaller in the distance.

The trip seems longer then it ever has before driving over dead body's and Opites that lay injured in the road. About 2 miles out of town Ted hits a line of cars at a dead stop. There are dead bodies every where and smell of human feces fills the air. Ted needs to get his hands on a 4x4 and he sees one about 20 cars up. He plans to retrieve the lifted dodge 1500 drive it back to his car and load all the supply's. As soon as he turns his car off he hears the call of the Opite and terrible pain surges through his testicles. Striking his balls with the butt of the shotgun the pain subsides and Ted starts running over the line of cars. He gets to the bed of the Dodge looks in to the cab no keys. He looks on the ground next to the open door and 3 Opites are feeding on the fresh corpse that looks to be the driver of the vehicle. Ted unloads a couple of shells into the foul little fuckers a splat of Opite and human blood explode on to the side of the truck. Ted hops to the ground and starts searching the body he finds the keys and steps up into the truck and fires her up. He smashes into the car behind him whips a 180 and drives up to his car and starts loading the truck. As he grabs the last of the supply's he sees what looks like a fat black woman in the distance she is surrounded by Opites when they see him they let out there scream. Ted jumps in the truck and heads straight for her.

Ted walks to his mothers side and realizes she is dead. CAPS is missing from the World Wide Web his parents murdered all because of Oprah some thing has to be done. Ted decides to head into town for supply's  he loads his shot gun collects his fathers rifle then heads to the tool shed for some extra weaponry. Axe...check, Chainsaw...check, Sledge Hammer...check, Shovel...check, Hatred...check, Rage...check. Time to head into town he hops into his car and head's down the dusty sun baked road. As he drives he can hear the wild siren songs of the Opites, his blood lust for them is unbearable. Every thing he has ever known has been taken away by this new world order. Ted is no longer going to sit by and let this happen he spent years working out on his bow flex he is strong enough no even better he is TUFF enough. As he drives there is a horrible pain in his nuts a pain the likes of witch he has never felt. It seems to be linked to the Opites miserable squeal. It feels like his testicles are shrinking back into his body he grabs the flash light on the passenger seat and wacks his balls hard. It hurts but they drop back down and feel better believe it or not. he rolls his windows up a pops raining blood into the cd player he lets the music release his adrenalin as he mentally prepares for battle.

CAPS was not there he searched forum after forum, IM chat, e-mail he even My Space messaged him Ted
 started to get concerned. Well now was not the time he needed to take care of his mother. Ted walks
 into the parlor sees that his mom has lost about 10-20 pounds and there is a puddle of blood and plasma dripping from the recliner. He hears a strange cackling then scurrying he scans the room but sees nothing. He walks around front of his mother her dress is pulled up and her under pants are ripped
 open her vagina is dilated. A thick umbilical cord dangles from her massive bloody hole "holy shit" Ted mutters under his breath. Ted cuts the remaining cord off and covers his mother up then starts searching the house for what ever came out of her. He hears a glass shader in the kitchen CHIC CHAH he cocks the shot gun and enters the kitchen there on the counter is what looks like a 2-1/2 foot turd
 with little arms a dorsal fin and a mini Oprah head. When the abomination sees Ted it lunges through the air at him he pulls the trigger of the double barrel and the creature explodes into a red mist of
 guts and blood. "good fucking God what the fuck is going on hear" Ted says out loud to himself. Just after the words have left his lips he hears a strange high pitched siren. He looks out front where
 he buried the book club and 3 more mini Oprah's are screaming into the air. The little fuckers dug there way out Ted runs out front and murders the remaining Opites.

After burying the rest of the book club and slowing his mothers bleeding Ted drives his mother
 towards the hospital. The home he grew up in is about 25 miles out of town when he gets 15 miles
 from town there is a line of cars at a dead stop dead bodies every where. He decides to turn around and head to the free way he came in on, since he came through the military has set up a road block. Good Ted thinks they should be able to help as he gets closer to the barricade he is
 flagged down. A young solder walks up to the vehicle with his weapon aimed at Ted's head "The road is closed go home turn on your T.V. for further instructions" the Private yells to Ted in a stern voice. Ted starts opening his door to step out KA POW!! a shot rings out and a bullet whizz's by Ted's head "Back in the car" the solders screams out "I said go back to your home and
 turn on your T.V. for instructions" the camouflage suited man says once again. Ted yells back "It's my mother she is hurt badly and bleeding out". The solders states once more "Go home turn on your T.V. and wait for instructions". Ted realizing he is not getting any where turns the car around and heads home, the whole times thinking to him self T.V. all that is on is Oprah, CAPS was right about every thing. When Ted arrives home his mother is passed out cold and her heart rate is slow. He spends the rest of the night securing his mother and setting up his computer with his crt screen. 

After the first day under Oprah's control the riots start and mulisha groups start planning
 an attack on Oprah. Ted was scarred he kept in contact with CAPS hoping he would know what
 to do. CAPS said it was best to stay off the grid till every thing cools off a bit. Thats what Ted did he went back home to Indiana to be with his folks. When he arrived home he could see a figure hanging from the tree where His old tire swing used to be. As his Toyoda Camry approached he realized it was a body. The body had been gored so bad he could not make out if it was male or female. Pulling into the front lawn and jumping out of the car shot gun in hand all of a sudden he recognized his fathers lucky suspenders still hagging
 off the ripped slacks danging from corpses feet. It was his father he rushed into the house screaming out "Mom, Mom!". Once inside his boy hood home he could hear the sound of a T.V. "These are the ones that would bring us down, these are the ones we must kill" Oprah's voice rings out folled by a insane roar on the T.V.. He can hear 4 or 5 people in the parlor clapping and cheering stepping into the room he sees his mother and a couple of woman from her book club sitting on the couch covered in blood with blank stares on there face. He runs to his mother "Mom are you all right? Dad is dead hung out front" he says in a urgent voice. No response he walks to the T.V. and unplugs it while turning around his moms book club is up and moving toward him silent with a calm madness in there eyes. "Mom what are you doing?" 2 of the woman have large meat cleavers drawn and they swing at Ted  he runs out front they follow. A tear wells up in Teds eye as he opens fire on his mother and her book club. He shots them in the legs but they just keep crawling toward him he kills them all but his mother who he ties to the lazy boy recliner. She is bleeding out bad needs to get to a hospital is she is going to survive.

Through out the next week some strange things started happening. The first was Oprah started
 her own T.V. station 24/7 Oprah. Then a nation wide panic when 70% of all pregnant woman in
 the county contracted a strange illness, and were forced into abortion. All of a sudden Planned Parent Hood stocks became one of the top earners in the world. Obama collaborated with Oprah to legalize stem cell research, they he created the "No Child Left Inside Act" it offered any woman would donated there aborted fetus to research a 3,000 tax credit. Ted shocked by what was happing and deiced to haul in his trusty old crt monitor to work just to
 be safe. Day after day for the next year Ted conversed with CAPS about the oncoming Armageddon. Ted had become a believer, at his work place all of the men starting acting very strange, emotional and feminine. It was not until 1 year after the burial of Micheal Jackson our president was assassinated. The pentagon was destroyed when a 747 is flown into it, and a brutal strike to the U.N. killing 85% of its key members. Lieberman is placed into office and declarers the most powerful woman in america Oprah to act as vice president. Soon after Lieberman dies of medical complications and Oprah assumes control. She bans all T.V. except Oprah 24/7. It is a dark time for the world.

That night Ted had terrible nightmares of being in the thriller video Micheal hunting him down,
 no matter how fast he ran M.J. was right on his heels. In his dream every where he looked for
 safety all could see was CAPS LOCK KEYS. Running through the streets every houses door knob
 was just another CAPS KEY that would break off in his hand.  Drenched in sweat and heart racing Ted's eye's quickly opened to the sight of his studio apartment witch oddly resembles his cubicle just more sq. footage. Unable to sleep with the horrifying images still flashing through his mind he hops onto the internet and starts posting into the forum he was at early that day. He notices CAPS is still on ranting and raving to get out of all major city's, don't use your computer unless it has a old school crt monitor cause the hormonal light treatment cant travel through tube screens and above all don't watch Oprah because she is positioned to strike. Many of the other forumsters are cracking jokes about M.J. raping lots of small children and posting pics of nice tits. For some reason Ted feels drawn to CAPS post's they are many of them and in his/her sick world it all kinda makes sence. All the madness boiled down to Oprah being 2000 years old trough feeding on stem cells from human fetus. She is useing hormonal light treatment to weaken the human race by making us more controllable. The only thing CAPS does not know is to what end is all of this being done.

Four years of collage and this is what I get where did I go wrong. Theodore McRuffton  thinks to him self as he trudges through another mundane day of data entry in his 5'x5' cubicle. Ted had worked at Absolute Insurance for all most a year and the boredom was unbearable. He spent most of his day surfing the internet, bloging and making friends on various forums. This particular day Ted was foruming with a most unsettling individual. Every thing he typed was in CAPS, he kept going on and on about Armageddon Oprah trying to take over the world using computer's to hormonally imbalance people. Another strange thing this poster was nameless every one just referred to him a CAPS LOCK. His insanity was fairly amusing yet at some times down right disturbing. There was one thread that kept
 swirling around in his head. CAPS LOCK claimed that if your sex drive was slowing then you
 have begun to be affected by hormonal control. Ted was a chronic masterbater and he had noticed over the last year he was masturbating less and less. He giggled at him self for even considering any of CAPS post had any validity at all, for Gods sake he was probably
 a 12 year old. After lunch Ted read some troubling news Micheal Jackson had died at the
 ripe age of 50. What a shame that thriller album was pretty dam good. CAPS seemed to have a different view he claimed it was a sign that the end was beginning. CAPS post spoke
 of when the worlds greatest pedophile remains are placed into the earth Oprah's power will
 grow, for she will become the dominant beast of our plane. CAPS was with out a doubt off his/her rocker.