SO Fucking frustrated cos i cant tell if its real

I was really bored one day so i wrote this.  i did leave some titles out but u get the point...

 WE THE PPL, one day in A WORLD SO COLD may FORGET TO REMEMBER when we were in a CRADLE.im sure it felt JUST like a CINDERELLA STORY.

where were you?  you said you would b here for me forever. ha! so u thought. you cast me aside like i wasnt worth a thing. i praised you more and more for that. i tried to talk to you about it but our communications werent clear. years pass n i finally woke up. feeling alone and played by the one i gave my all to and got nothing in return. i was shadowed by the role playing in our lives. i did the best i could do, n u sat by n did nothing, nothing, NOTHING! i carried us our relationship. through it all i worked my fingers to the bone to b betrayed by my love. i feel tired and used up. grew tired of the lies and emptiness you gave me, thinkiing itll be worth it in the end if i stick it out. i stuck it out so far my fucking neck was on the block and i was holding the ax. what was i thinking? what were we thinking? you told me over and over how lucky u were, i wanted to feel lucky too! i lived through alot thinking my life is what it is. when i woke up, i realized a very important thing! you werent genuine or sincere, your love for me was never shown. i felt like a jerk letting you treat me so coldly through the years. well now im suffering without you. but i know in my deepest core of my soul YOU ARE NOT THE ONE I LOVED! 

i move on, i feel i really found love through and through, you had the words, my TRUE LOVE has the actions! 

    listless drops of tears, timeless shameless. alone to be showered in the light of a dream unreal, so surreal. knowledge.deterioration hurts. the cut of the wound the pain of the slice, burning, dying, my life is withering. lost spirit rises forth. dancing singing thrusting through a whilrwind of lite, projected by the purity of stars. melting. recreating life. yet another to walk a nother path, another one. maybe another time! perserverence will finally shine. but, the cycle is solid.

the tear once again falls. all alone all along all to be. once the vast deterioration begins i carry it. its my cross my penance, my life. now everything i touch is in ruins, crumbling, melting, falling away. just out of reach accepting not to receive. all gone all alone all me. just left to be. the withering mind of a child the listless heart from my scars. all meaningless to you but a slow deterioration to me. once again, all JUST INEXPLICABLE!!!!!

lonely but not alone  i feel so empty so alone yet my life is full of souls feeding from me. i give all i can just to feel the chill of defeat. pain, suffering comes from within i cant ecplain why. i slice my flesh open to prove its all real although it feels like an eternal dream. disgust and anguish seeps through my pours. i hide it all in fear of judgement from society. lost and tired i wish death would release me from all this. the smell of my own rotting corpse excites my senses knowing that i will move on. the anticipation of hope hurts too deep to breathe again. i need space i need santuary i need love unconditionally throughout my bones. the pain n agony is so intense i need to come back to reality. ha! i was here all along but still it feels like a dream lost n cold within my own mind idk how to make it better. surrounded by love i cant feel surrounded by hate i can only reveal. feeing so lonely but never able to b alone.

Running and running going nowhere. always hiding- in a panic the heart is pumping hard! adreniline runs through ur blood, y am i being chased? to b trapped in a relhm of chaos?  will they gonna rape my spirit of all thats left? im scared.  lonely although there r others, others with me i need to help. i need to protect, y  cant leave anyone behind. ha! so ironic im always left bhind...love? care? trust? protect? not in the cold, dark disgusting wave of life.  your closeset ali mayb ur enemy.. u feel urself just drifting farther and farther apart yearning to just let my spirit b free. end this world for me, im tired of running im tired of the chase. its melting my heart slowly. there is no escape.. it suffocates my heart squeezing  this all weighs so heavy n torturous. my mind is a slave to this horrible dream that hunts me like prey...unknowing nvr knowing.  fuck!  i wish i could just die!!